I have never been able to walk well in heels. While I love drooling over beautiful stems, I simply twist ankles and scare people when I try to walk. However, there on the third shelf from the bottom in that downtown Winners store gleamed a pair of Guess pumps I couldn't ignore. The print along the heels, all the strappy-goodness wrapping up the ankle, all the color, all the beauty: obviously I simply couldn't ignore them. Or maybe yes, I could.
I was determined to begin saving money, and knew I'd be the wisest in moving away from those shoes. In fact, I'd be even smarter to get out of the store altogether. And so I paced quickly from that shoe section of that downtown Winners store.
And then I walked back. I tried them on, all five inches of glory holding my weight like a solid foundation. I couldn't help but to imagine these shoes would probably make my entire life better. Of course they wouldn't, but I'd determined it to be true. I paid for those shoes and walked out of the store half grinning, and half ashamed. They were shoes, I don't know why I'd made it such a big deal.
It was a big deal. It turns out even the smallest of decisions can weigh heavily on our heart if we don't think long enough about what we're doing or are about to do. It's easy to determine to do anything, but brave people determine to do something specific instead.
I learned a couple things that day, and I hope they're helpful for you too:
>> Determination without reason is faulty: I can be determined about anything, but if it isn't specific, it won't last. Because I wanted to save money wasn't reason enough to keep me away from those heels. I would have done better to know what I was saving for. Having specific goals in mind like saving to go back to school, or saving for my own home would have been an easier target to keep in mind than simply saving.
>> Bad decisions don't help, they just try to haunt: Those shoes have sat in my closet for two years. They're only service to me is a reminder that I still can't walk in heels, nor am I so inclined. They're now the reminder of taking it slow when I need to make a decision too. I don't sit in regret over my purchase because I've learned to accept forgiveness from bad decisions, but every time I open my closet, I'm reminded of that day.
See in life we're told to gain wisdom. I think it's important to realize we're told to gain it. It is something we have to learn, not something we're handed or simply not gifted with. Wisdom is hard work, and requires more than determination. We need to have determination in specific goals. Lastly, when we do make bad decisions, we have to understand we weren't made for these to haunt us either. There is freedom for us when we choose wisely, and we won't have scars from what we chose not to participate in. But! We can still move forward from our bad decisions too. Honestly I shake my head when I see those shoes, but somewhere along the way I hope to make what was a bad decision for me become a blessing for someone else (I hear that's what God is in the business of doing anyhow).
Anyone a size six and a half?
We're overcomers, we're wild lovers of life. We hope, we dream, and we fight for the freedom of those involved in the sex industry.